1. |
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2. |
VHS - Stifled
04:53
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I can't ever get my thoughts straight
I can't prioritize my time
I can't organize my mind
My environment
Deteriorating my drive
Creativity and ideas melting away
Exhaustion
Often more mental than physical
Ideas stirring in my head
Can never manage to spit them out
Time between creations gets longer and longer
Satisfaction with each gets lesser and lesser
I'm always longing to be somewhere else doing something else
Can't wait to leave this place
Because I always feel that if I'm where I want to be
Surrounded by those I love
That I can be given the motivation to do the things I want to do
But what if it's just me, and this is something I need to fix in myself?
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3. |
VHS - Ugly
06:38
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I never get to look good for anyone or anything anymore
I always want to buy new clothes
I want to look great
I want to feel great
I want to admire myself
I finally bought myself some new clothes
But I have nobody to look good for
No events to dress up for
I go to work and I come home
And it's all I ever fucking do
No social events
No shows to go to
No places to hang out
No friends to make
No plans to make
I just look stupid all the time
I've even been gaining weight
To the point where I'm no longer happy with my body
Most days I don't think about it
But I hate it when I do
Everyone knows I've gotten bigger
But I'm thankfully no one wants to tell me
I want to look good
But what's the point>
I'll just continue to look ugly all the time
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4. |
VHS - Health
05:19
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I have not been taking good care of my body
I have not been making the decisions I know I should
I want to be vegan
I want to save money
But I keep eating cheese pizza and drinking beer
I wake up the next day feeling like shit
Headaches and stomach aches
And I hate every second of it
I know eating dairy is cruel and wrong
But I'm doing nothing to stop myself from consuming it
What the fuck is wrong with me
I have no self discipline
I'm not trying hard enough
This is why I'm a fat piece of shit
This is why I'm broke
This is why I feel like shit
But what the fuck am I doing to change it?
Nothing
But I have full control
And I do nothing to change
I continue to treat myself like shit
I continue to drink too often
As if it's some form of escapism
I continue to eat like shit
As if eating healthy and vegan doesn't feel better and still taste good
Why can't I make better decisions?
I'm such a piece of shit
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5. |
VHS - Once Again
04:13
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Once again
Life is changing so dramatically
Once again
I'm not prepared
Once again
In the end it's what I wanted
Once again
It's not how I pictured it
I guess I gotta be careful what I wish for
Because it may come sooner than expected
With the situation much less than ideal
She's sad and stressed which makes me sad and stressed
A loved one may not be okay
Day by day an emotional whiplash of good news and bad news
No time to settle down and make peace with how I feel
Just when I start to feel okay it's another thing to tear me up
Life keeps throwing me battles I can't win
These past 3 years have been consistently dealing with things I can't control
Thank God I don't have to go through it on my own
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M15H4P Hesperia, California
noise/harsh noise primarily using old turntables since 2013
M15H4P recommends:
Was introduced to RAGK at KCNF2. She's been a good friend of mine ever since and makes some really rad power electronics, as well as other music. Be sure to show her some love
go to album
Been a good friend of mine almost ever since I started doing noise. He makes some great drone and HNW, I've done several splits with him and he's helped with album art on multiple occasions.
go to albumIf you like VHS / N0123NOISE Split, you may also like:
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Punishing industrial music that tackles, “growing up trans and Jewish,” in scalding songs that take no prisoners.
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